As I sit down to write after nearly two years of absence, I’m reflecting on the reasons behind my sudden departure from this space.
It’s true that it seems most people don’t take the time to read blog posts anymore. I know I don’t. I’d much rather listen to a podcast while multi-tasking. I don’t even sit down to watch videos, just listen to them. I think if blog posts were all available in audio form, I would likely consume far more content.
But that isn’t the reason. And neither was the world shutting down back in 2020. It really started with a back injury in April 2020 where I was quite literally changed forever.
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It’s a very long story, but essentially I have multiple bulging discs in my back, one of which is pressing on the nerves on either side of the disc, causing constant low back pain. I spent the next 18 months seeing doctors and specialists, all of whom couldn’t seem to agree on what exactly is the problem, despite the evidence on my MRI. After a couple rounds of steroids, chiropractic treatment, physical therapy, and thousands in medical bills, I finally decided to take my health and my pain into my own hands.
Through this experience, I’ve come to have a deep distrust of the healthcare system, who only seem to want to mask my problem with meds and not actually treat the problem itself. I’ve had doctors make me feel unheard and ignored and not believed. They almost always left me feeling hopeless and lost and let down. I have every interaction recorded in a journal that is so disturbing and painful to read that I almost can’t because of the inexcusable fumbling of my case that would leave any reader dumbfounded.
I’ve spent an exorbitant amount of time contemplating my life and my future and my pain and coming to terms with this likely being something I will always have to live with. I have found a measure of peace in this acceptance. And to this day, I don’t know if my pain is better or if this acceptance has altered the way my mind perceives my pain. Or perhaps I’ve just hardened myself against it.
But all of that aside, living with chronic pain can often feel like a full-time job. One that can leave me exhausted and drained by the afternoon and I have to be very careful about where and on what I spend my time. More than that, it’s a pain not visible to others. You can appear normal on the outside while experiencing debilitating pain on the inside and nobody is the wiser.
For the first 18 months, I didn’t want to write and barely had any time to think about anything other than my back problem and fixing it. But pain that is invisible to others is a very difficult thing to convey, especially when you’re too proud to cry in the doctor’s office for fear of what they might deduce of your mental status.
But when I decided to stop going to the doctors and specialists, and started to figure out on my own how I’m going to treat this situation, I felt my life coming back to me. I was once again finding joy in the things that I do, rather than going through the motions of routine.
And I have a renewed passion for our lifestyle and what it means for me and my family’s health.
The more I research, the more I study, the more I learn, I’ve come to really have an intimate understanding that our Creator has provided everything in nature that our bodies need to be healthy, to fight illness, and even battle chronic pain.
I had been taking 1200 mg of Ibuprofen daily for over a year before discovering that I could replace that regimen with turmeric and get far better results.
I found that my herbalist neighbor’s salve of solomon’s seal root, comfrey, st. john’s wort, motherswort, mullien, yarrow, horsetail, and lavender could provide instant relief to my upper back pain- something no cream off of the shelf had ever given to me. Truly, a miracle in a jar.
I replaced my multivitamin with a grassfed beef organ complex (nature’s multivitamin).
I’ve learned to not fear the sun, despite having skin cancer 3 times. I now embrace the sun as medicine (in moderation, of course).
The systems in place that are supposed to be protecting us are doing everything but. Because of money. Because of power. They’re not going to tell you how to fix the problem. They will put a band-aid on it and so you keep coming back for more. The healthcare system. The food system. Broken systems full of deceit.
It’s on us to help ourselves. I’ve come to really know that the more we get back to the basics of humanity and how we were meant to eat and live, the stronger I feel.
We were not meant to be so overmedicated, overstimulated, overexposed.
We were meant for connection- with each other, in person. And to connect to nature. To our food. To our homes.
We were not meant to disassociate through the screen of a phone. Technology has made us lazy. It has made us dependent. On systems that are making us sick.
No more. Not for me, anyway.
I want to grow and preserve more food than ever.
I want to protect my kids from the destructive and self-indulgent influences of this world.
I want to teach them about what real love is, what a real partnership looks like.
I want them to truly know the value in serving others, because it is in doing good toward others that we do the most good toward ourselves.
I want us to enjoy and live life in the way we were intended- under the sun, fresh air, good food, actual connections with our family, friends, and neighbors.
Slowing down. Learning from those who have been here longer than us. Absorbing their wisdom.
There’s a lot of peace that comes from being able to see through the systems poisoning us and simultaneously saying they will be the ones to save us. Knowing that the solutions are simple, despite what they are trying to sell us. Stop buying into the lies and blindly following the masses. Let’s get back to the beautiful, unembellished basics of humanity.
That’s what I’m doing. How about you?
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thank you. Homestead on, my friends.
I am really glad you wrote this. You summed up how I feel about life and the way things are going in the world. I think more people need to stand up say it like you have. Please keep writing. I hope you feel better as time goes on and you neverstop inspiring people.
Thank-you so much, Christina! I’m glad to find a like-minded friend. I will keep writing, thanks for the support!
Hi Erin, I have full sympathy for your journey and wish you well on your “self-management”. Have you read Ross Douthat “The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery”? You will find a compatriot.
On another note, I can’t see where you are to compare my weather to yours. I am assuming you are in the US, but what state or zone?
Thanks, Sue
Hi, Sue! I’m in NE Minnesota; Zone 3B so pretty darn cold.
I will check out your book recommendation, I appreciate it!
AMEN!!!!
Hello Erin,
Kelly sent me over here to your blog. I couldn’t agree with you more. I have had several years of dealing with the medical system, and most recently my youngest got really sick. I used the herbal medicine I have and it helped him recover.
This system is a train wreck!
Warm wishes and thoughts from The Two Acre Homestead/Lisa
So happy to have you, Lisa! I agree, this system has got to go. Soon enough, right? 🙂
Your journey is similar to my own. A life of doing it all on my own. Much of what you say is a reflection of my my inner being, the way I live my life, my soul, my beliefs, wishes, and hopes.
I’m not a doctor, I’m a survivor, but now after years of struggling, I’m a part time healer. Try getting off wheat, and getting on ox-tail broth. Check out a book called Nourishing broth by Sally Fallon. If your young enough, you can heal. Stop straining your back, and get family in so you can also get proper bed rest in between gentle physical therapy, water therapy may be best, as it will not be added weight to any part of your body. A favorite book of mine is called move without pain, it’s about Somatics.
Their are no guarantees. I know this, years ago we did not work our women to injury. She cooked from scratch took care of the kids owies, and was the rock, the glue, the center of love to the family. Men and women are not equal in strength, I work in manufacturing and many of our women are literally destroyed trying to keep up, men are marginalized themselves because they end up doing the harder jobs and are not able to rotate to lessen repetitive strains. The world has become hyper competitive. Oh the managers, the TV, and 50+ years of feminism says oh women can do anything, well ok then, go do anything, destroy your body, welcome to the mans world where we are mostly happy to die in the end, and yes after putting my father and grandfather to rest just mere months apart, I now know why most men hardly go with barely a whimper.
I’m again in a healing phase from giving it my all, but I already had chronic pain, don’t let pain become your friend, get on a healing path and stay on it. And, I mean it when I say put everything down and focus everything on healing and getting your back – back.
Good luck, I’m sending prayers right your way.
Thank-you so much for all of your kindness. I’ve owned Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon for years and am an avid listener of the Weston A. Price Foundation “Wise Traditions” podcast, on which Sally is a regular guest. Thankfully, I’m beyond the point of critical pain. I’ve really learned to live with a lot and am currently in a good place. I feel stronger for the first time in two years; I’ve done very little lifting or physical work up until this spring. But I’ve been slowly testing my strength and seeing what I’m capable of- I’m finding I’m capable of more than I thought. I feel positive about where I’m headed. And I feel so good to be able to do things for myself once again.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate you!
Hi Erin,
I was wondering what happened to you with no new posts for so long. I thought maybe you just got too busy with all of the things involved in homesteading. I am so, so sorry about what you have been going through! I understand everything you say, especially that if no one can see your pain they think it doesn’t exist. I even had a Dr. with a (supposedly) expert reputation say that I didn’t look like there was anything wrong with me. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was in my early twenties and have been through too many treatments, drugs, surgeries, etc. to remember. For the most part, Western medicine treats the symptoms not the cause, as I’m sure you know. Drug companies give doctors vacations and other good things if they peddle their drugs.
The most relief I’ve ever gotten has been from Acupuncture, Chiropractic, Massage therapy, IMT therapy, and Craniosacral therapy I did try a biologic a long time ago and it helped for a few years but stopped working. I was also worried about the side effects. I had surgeries that really helped since there was so much damage to my joints. There really was no other option.
Anyway, I totally believe a healthy organic diet, natural supplements, exercise, and finding joy in even the smallest things, are what makes us feel better. My Osteopath recommended a book – The Body Keeps the Score. You might like it!
I hope the warmer weather will help you. I live in Maryland and always feel better during the warmer months. I would love if you could get the recipe for the salve that your neighbor makes.
I agree the world as we know it will never be the same again. We have to never buy into the “information” that is being presented. It always has a bias and worse. What would happen if no one watched or listened to the “news”? That’s what I do. I’d rather read your blog!!! ( Btw, this is my new email address)
Laurie 🙂
Hugs Erin
I hear you when you say the system is broken. It has been in a down fall for many years now. No one taking the time to really find the cause or cure. They have what 10 minutes with you before they are off to the next. Insurance companies run the medical world and should be ashamed of what they have created
I went back to get my holistic nurse coaching certification so I could help clients more. Find the deeper reason behind illness or unhealthiness.
I am so glad you are finding ways to feel better! You are and have been an inspiration to me.
Would you mind sharing what you take for turmeric? Would love to substitute this for ibuprofen.
Take care my dear
Cheryl
Hi, Cheryl! So nice to hear from you. I’ve actually been researching the holistic/naturopath avenue for a while now to get second opinions on this and other issues I’m dealing with. I’m so excited for you.
The turmeric I have linked in that paragraph but I’ll post it here as well:
https://amzn.to/3MYkm8f
I’ve been taking it for about 9 months now and it’s been such a game changer for me. I think you’ll be very happy with the results. I like that it has black pepper in it which drastically increases the absorption. Also you have the added benefit of reservatrol with this particular supplement. So go for it! 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by, I miss you girls so much!
Erin
Thank you! We so miss you around here!
I will try this brand and hope for the great results you are having.
So glad you are finding things that help.
Miss you lady!!
Thank you for coming back to share Erin! You’ve inspired me in the past with your gardening information and I’ve missed your posts!
Thanks, Clara! Always so nice to have you stop by. I love following your stories on Instagram!